Sorry, but I have to leave early today...

If you ever need some good solid excuses for why you need to leave work early one day, or if you're not coming in until later, or if you're not going to reply to email for a certain length of time, or if you need to miss the whole day, I am providing you with a list of excuses that have been used at our company that seemed to have worked just fine. While some of the excuses may seem to be distasteful or just plain ridiculous, they worked just fine around here. It also seems that poor grammer works just as well as the use of proper English when writing up excuses...

• I am in the middle of security installation so may not be able to reply right away. If you need me for urgent matter, cell phone is the best option. (This is a good one, bc security installation COULD mean that you're installing security software, which is kind of like work).
• I have to pick up my son from day care as he is not well. I will check my emails later in the evening. (Pulling at the heart-strings of parents all over the world).
• My younger one is not keeping well (high fever & diarrhea) so I won’t be able to come to the office today. If possible, I will try to check emails. You can reach me on my cell for urgent matters. (Diarreah? Yuck. It's so gross, it HAS to be true).
• I tried to hang in as far as possible, I am going to leave early and take some rest. Trying to avoid a total breakdown. (Breakdown...what does this mean? He's working so hard, he might push himself too far and explode!)
• I am not feeling well today (finally flu is caught up with me). I will try to check my emails if feeling better. You can reach me on my cell 408-lame-excuse for urgent matters.
• My water heater conked out and I have to get it fixed today. I am not sure how long it will take, In the mean time I will be working from home. You can reach me on my cell 408 –fire-me-now for urgent matters.
• I will be attending a conference tomorrow and day after (where our CEO is speaking) along with Mr. Johnson. So won’t be in the office. I will not be able to check my emails as well. You can reach me on my cell 408 – poor-employee for urgent matters.
• I am taking a day off tomorrow. I will be back in the office next week Tuesday. Happy Memorial Day weekend to you all.
• I wont be available for rest of the day, Need to pick up my car from dealership !!!
• Leaving early as I am having throat infection.
• My son is not well so I will be coming a bit late today. In the mean time, I will work from home. For urgent matters you can reach me on my cell 408 – stupid-me.
• I am planning to take a day off tomorrow for personal reason. I won’t have access to email but you can reach me on my cell for urgent matters.
• "Someone" will be coming in late today. He should be in around 11:30 or so. His DSL has been down so the best way to reach him is by cell phone--408-inter-view. (This is a good tactic, call a co-worker, and ask that person to send an email for you since you are completely unable to. For added effect, switch DSL to ISDN).
• Hi, I am in the midst of replacing all of my house windows. I will be working from home today. You can reach me on my cell 408 – hate-my-boss for urgent matters. (This one is a winner…. ALL of my house windows. It's perfect! It's unverifiable! For more uummph, after “house windows” you could add in “…and re-installing windows xp”
• We have a flu epidemic, So working from home today. I will be checking emails. You can reach me on my cell for urgent matters. (This is sweet too because it sounds like the bird flu has struck. Great use of the word “epidemic”).

Let me know which one you liked the best...my favorites are the one where this individual calls out his sons case of diarrhea and the other one where he sites a possible "complete breakdown."