A Few Good SalesMen

I received this classic "A Few Good Men" spoof from a friend of mine at work, Bill Lan. I wish I could take credit for the genius contained below, or at least give credit where credit is due. Enjoy!

Sales: "You want answers?"

Finance: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Sales: "You want answers?!"

Finance: "I want the truth!"

Sales: "You can't handle the truth!!!"

Sales (continuing): "Sir , we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who's going to find it? You? You, Mr. Operations? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You scoff at the sales division and you curse our lucrative incentives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that while the cost of business results are excessive, it drives in revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings ... you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call!

We use words like comps, migration, discounts, flex licensing. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent negotiating something. You use them as a punch line! I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make some sales calls. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Finance: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Sales: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Finance: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Sales: "You're goddamn right I did!"